My Only One
by Unclear Destiny
Summary: Reposted. Shuuichi is begining to break and Yuuki finds out that he just may loose his only one.
1. Chapter 1

The sound of typing filled the medium sized apartment as Yuki Eiri somehow managed to finish his novel early for once.

Finishing the last line, the author saved it and leant back with a sigh, golden eyes drifting towards the ceiling. The low din of the television in the living-room reminded him of Shuuichi's presence.

Lighting the cigerette that now hung loosely from his lips, the author thought on the previous weeks. His young lover had been acting strange ever since he had gotten back from the recording studios a few weeks ago. He was silent and often drifted through the apartemnt with a lost expression on his face, shooting Yuki expectant looks whenever the man came into the room Shuuichi had been occupying.

He hadn't come to bed since then either, preffering to sleep on his first lover-the couch, and go to sleep listening to the telivision.

It was as if he was trying to figure something out.

_'That manager of his probably threatened him again or something_,' the blond thought and straightened in his seat, looking silently at the laptop screen.

He would ask Shuichi at dinner.

Dinner never came.

A few weeks later came the abrupt ending to Shuuichi's odd mood and the singer bounced into the apartment with a happy 'taidama', glomping Yuki on sight with a squeek and giiggle. Yuki would never admit to it, but it releived him that the boy was acting like his old happy, brainless idiotic self instead of the silent and introspective one that had graced the apartment like a wraith only the previous day.

Mumbling something under his breath, the novelist took the ciggerette from his mouth and placed a kiss on the younger man's lips, which the singer happily returned after a moment of tense shock.

A dazed grin was on Shuuichi's lips as they parted and Yuki ruffled the others hair, muttering 'brat' affectionatly as he replaced the cancer stick between his lps.

After a moment of silence, the pink-haired singer spoke up, perking like a puppy as he recounted why he had been in such a mood.

Apparently Yuki had been half right. K had indeed threatened the young singer for new lyrics for the upcoming album and Shuuichi, having experienced yet another of his infamous writing blocks-which could span even longer than Yuki's when the man was in a slump-and just couldn't figure out what the hell to do.

Shuuichi had apparently put deep thought into the lyrics he was attempting to write and last night his insperation had come back from holiday. The boy had immidiatly gotten working, even writing music for Suguru and Hiroshi. He knew just how his new song should sound and had spent hours figuring out the complicated language of notes.

Yuki's eyebrows had risen into his hairline when the boy revealed that he would even be putting some of his own musical talent into it. His lover had apparently had a fixation on drums in his childhood and had learned to play them. The pink-haired pop-rocker figured that the sound of drums would make his 'perfect song even more perfect'.

When asked what the song was about, however, the boy had adopted one of his rare secretive, if smug smirks and said that that was for him to know and Yuki to find out.

Then he had bounced off the couch, declared that he wanted pizza for supper and raced to the phone, effectivly breaking the spell that had taken hold over the apartment.

Then it was pure routine, Yuki calling Shuuichi a baka and Shuuichi bursting into tears before squeeling as the doorbell rang to reveal Hiroshi with the pizza, the delivery-boy knocked and surreptitiously hidden next to the door.

This had led to the apartment being even more noisy than usual, with Hiro and Shuuichi rocking it out while Yuki attempted to write chapters for his latest novel, Hiro sending protective glares at the blond every once and awhile and Shuuichi being oblivious.

Somehow, it was comfortable.

Another few weeks later found Yuki smoking like a chimney in bed, staring at the ceiling as the morning sun poured in through the window. Shuuichi, as naked as the blond beside him, was snuggled up and Yuki didn't even notice that his arm was holding the pink-haired boy closer than neccesary.

Abruptly, the radio switched on, a usually effective alarm as it shattered the silence.

The announcer happily yabbered on about weather and recent events before introducing a new song from Bad Luck.

Yuki's golden gaze immidialy shot to the blaring radio, glaring as if telling it to hurry up.

His curiosity was killing him by this point. He had tried repeatedly to secret the information from Shuuichi, bringing it up randomly in conversations, fits of passion, threatening his friends and even trying to get his younger lover drunk enough to spill.

None of it had worked and his only reward had been that annoying smug, secretive smirk which laughed at him evertime it crossed Shuuichi's face.

Though Yuki had no qualms about admitting it was one sexy laugh.

Finally, after what seemd like an eternity, music filtered through the room and Yuki arched an eyebrow at the decidedly american sound.

lyrics edited out

Sitting up and staring intensly at the radio, Yuki didn't notice Shuuichi wake up and stare silently up at the man, a concerned and scared expression fliting acoss his face.

Yuki was still so cold to him, it made Shuuichi wonder if the man even cared for him at all-regularely. But small, random bursts of affection was what kept him there, kept him waiting.

He would be patient.

He hoped Yuki would get it.

lyrics edited out

Feeling his heart speed up, Yuki's brow furrowed as an uncomfortable feeling ached in his chest. The song was well-written, more so than usual, but something nagged at him, made him want to _understand_-

But understand what?

lyrics edited out

Unnoticed to the confused man, Shuuichi sat up, blankets and sheets pooling around his naked waist. The concerned expression didn't leave his face and he felt his heart ride up into his throat.

_'Please understand Yuki-I don't want you to be cold with me anymore, I don't think I'll be able to take it much longer...'_

lyrics edited out

Yuki got it.

The song ended and the announcer happily blurted out the name of the song and started on about it, but Yuki didn't hear.

He had been colder to Shuuichi in the last couple months and mornings like these, with the pink haired singer curled up next to him were rare. Yuki felt his breath freeze in his chest and started as he heard Shuuichi begin to speak.

"I-You've been so...so cold and so distant for so long, for years. I've tried so hard to...to do something, to get you to trust me, just to-just to feel your warmth-!"

The boy began to break up as tears rose to his eyes, but he pressed forward, determined to get this off his chest.

"I-I've tried for years, but, you've only gotten colder, harder to me. These last few weeks have been bliss, I mean, we-we made love last night and you _kissed_ me last week and that is just so rare-!"

Yuki fealt his heart begin to break as he heard the anguish in his young lover's voice and he turned to see Shuuchi sitting with his knees raised to his chest, not daring to look at him.

"But I-I can't leave you I-I love you so much, you're my only one! I-I know I'm selfish, I know that I don't deserve you-but I can't leave you, that would kill me!"

Shuuichi closed his eyes with a muffled sob.

"But I don't know how much more I can take. I can-I can feel myself breaking and there are days that I wonder if-I wonder if-"

Shuuichi's voice wavered and Yuki turned to face the singer completely, a look of angusih on his face.

"I wonder if-it would just be easier to give up, to just leave and I think about how much better life could be! No more insults, no more couches, no more cold nights standing in the rain wondering what I _did this time_...-!"

Finally, the boy lifted his head and turned to stare at the man with teary violet eyes.

"But then I find that I can't. Life without you wouldn't...it wouldn't be life, but it's so hard-! I don't know how much more I can stand Yuki, I need your love and I need it now otherwise...Otherwise I know that I won't-"

Shuuichi choked back his tears and squeezed his eyes closed.

"I know that I won't...I won't care anymore and I'll give up...completely and I won't...live to see...my-my twenty-third birthday..."

The singer started to shake and turn away, burying his head in his knees to muffle his sobs. Yuki felt his own throat constrict as Shuuichi's words sank in, followed by horror.

Not by what he'd doen, but what life wihout Shuuichi would be like, the pain filled realization that he needed the pink-haired brat that sat beside him on the sex-scented bed and that he wouldn't be able to live without him.

Reaching over, decision made without thought, the blond wrapped the singer in a hug and Shuuichi buiried his head in the man's chest, sobbing and wrapping his thin arms around his back as he shook.

"I can't-I can't stand much more-I can't! Please understand Yuki, I don't wanna stop-I can't stop! I need you so much, Yuki, but I won't-I won't be able-"

Shuuichi's sobs quickened and grew more heartwrenching with each sentance that spilled from his shaking lips and Yuki tightened his embrace, rocking the other as he held back his own tears unsuccesfully.

"I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry Yuki-but I can't! I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough, but Yuki, I'm about to give up! I'm about to give up on us! I've put so much and I've tried so hard, I'm only human! Yuki, please, I need your help! I don't want this to end, and I know- I _know_ that you don't either-but I can't do this anymore...!...I need something back, I need your love, I need your help, I need you...but I can't...I just can't stand this any longer...I'm so sorry Yuki, but I can't...Please, please understand-_please help me_!"

Sobs dwindling, Shuuichi hiccoughed, his arms tightening around the man's back, fingers clutching at the pale skin they found.

"Please...I'm begging you, Yuki, please..."

Strong arms tightened around him in reply and he felt something moist hit his hair. Yuki buiried his head into strawberry-pink tresses shortly afterwards and nodded shakily, kissing his lover's hair and nuzzling it; as if in apology, acceptence and a beg of his own.

He said nothing, but Shuuichi didn't need any words to understand and simply gave a teary-eyed grin, thanking every diety he knew and praying that they could work this out.

Together.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of Yellowcard's songs, nor do I own any of Gravitation's characters or Gravitation itself. I am simply a dissalusioned fangirl that has sore fingers from typing so hard.

The reviw button is there for a reason! Please, pretty please leave a comment and give me your opinion!


	2. Strawberry Smiles

We couldn't work it out.

He tried so hard.

Mine was a half-assed attempt at love.

I couldn't let go, I couldn't let go of my past, of Yuki.

And Shuuichi tried so hard.

I watch him pack, standing in the doorway, my eyes stinging even if the tears won't come.

Shuuichi's shoulders tremble as he pushes the suitcase closed. He's twenty-six now, it was his birthday yesterday.

His hair isn't pink anymore.

Everytime I realize this, it sends a shock throuigh my system. Shuuichi, strawberry flavoured Shuuichi with his sweet, strawberry smiles and strawberry kisses.

Everything about him screamed strawberry and it still does.

The man before me straightenes, black hair short around his face.

At least his strawberry haircut never changed.

His shoulders slump and he turns to face me and I see to my relief the pink streaks which frame his face. I convinced him to let those stay.

If I convinced him of that, why couldn't I convice him of this?

No, I never even tried to convince him of this. All it took to let the pink streaks stay was my commenting that I liked them. It was _that easey_.

If that was so easey, then whats so hard about saying something that could bring so much more then hair sreaks? If I had just told him what I felt, every day, in and out those feelings that I had...

Would it have ended like this?

It's so anticlimatic, and yet somehow it wrenches my heart to know that I could have prevented this. What I had to do was so easey, just say three words and maybe kiss him once in awhile.

He understood that, he was willing, so willing...

He wrote a song about it.

'Only One' I believe it was called. I remember that morning so clearly, the day I first heard it. I remember how Shuuichi cried, how he confessed.

Shuuichi is so strong.

He's stronger than even he realizes, than anyone else but me realizes. He's met the arctic a thousand times worse and yest he's lived in that cold, harsh climate with barbs stinging his cheeks and frost freezing his hair.

I know this because I never once stopped being that cold, arctic to him.

I'm a cold selfish bastard and I know it.

I hate myself for it.

The man turns, looking at me. His amythest eyes are deep in regret but not one tear spills from his tired eyes.

He's so strong, even now.

I wish I had his strength.

"I never wanted this to end, Yuki," he says and his voice is laced with exhaustion. He's been beat and he accepts it.

I wish he didn't accept it.

"I really am sorry, Yuki, but I can't take this anymore. I'm sorry I couldn't be strong enough for you Yuki...but I told. I screamed my lungs out, tryied to get to you. You're my only one, Yuki, my only one...But I give up."

That hits me hard.

He gave up.

I made him gave up.

I made him carry everythig that was to heavy for his small body to take.

"I didn't walk out, I kept to my word, I didn't walk out until you knew and gave us a chance again. Another chance...But I'm tired and I'm sorry that it had to be this way."

At least he didn't leave a note.

"You'll find someone stronger than me Yuki, one day. Just like in your romance novels and it will all be perfect, a happy ending."

He smiled at me, his small hand clasping the suitcase handle as it swung in front of his knees.

I guess he didn't know that I had a habit of making my endigs tragic.

Shuuichi closed his eyes and brushed by me.

He paused.

For that moment, I felt that small glimmer of hope that maybe he wouldn't leave me, that he hadn't completely given up on us yet.

Before I know what's happening, his lips brush my cheek and he's gone, just like that.

Like a breeze, he sweeps past me and I, the unfortunate leaf, am powerless against it.

Inwardly, I writhe and beg and plead for him not to leave, for him to come back, but I didn't try enough, I didn't give it my all.

Shuuichi gave it his all and then one-hundred percent more than he had and still I didn't do anything.

I watched him whither away into dust.

I hear the door close behind me and know that it's over.

He's given up. He's tired and he deserves a break for all he tries to do.

I go back to my study to finish my novel.

The days come and go in a breeze until one day I rise and the morning fels unbearebly fresh, like theres a taste that I can't get enough of no matter how much I have it.

Somehow, the taste of strawberry whisks away my tongue.

I rise and shower, eat a breakfast of instant ramen and beer and then I do nothing.

I sit in my chair, taught as I watch the clock tick by hour after hour until I hea te doorbell. Slowly, I rise from his seat, my heart beating in my chest as a feeling I can't explain wells up in my stomach.

I approach the door with the ease of someone who's confident and all knowing in their life, and open it with all the grace of a five year old waiting for the guests to their birthday party.

The sight of a strawberry smile greets me and Shuuichi's pink hair flutters faintly in the wind.

He smiles.

"I'm selfish," he says and with that everythig comes crashing into pace and I draw him into a hug, uncaing as his suitcase crushes my feet.

_"I'm selfish."_ he said and I know that he speaks the truth.

He dosn't care about me, he only cares about himself.

Because Im his only one.

This time, I say something.

"I'm glad you're selfish, Shuuichi."

"Good," he says and everything is alright again.

This time we will work it out.

Maybe I'll give my next book a happy ending.

I already know the title.


End file.
